Dear Abby: I am married to a man from a different country, culture and religion. We have an amazing relationship, and he’s my best friend. We do everything together — groceries, dates, trips, etc. He is a wonderful husband. The only problem is that he does not contribute financially. I told him many times that this was going to be a big deal for us.
In his country, people are poor, so he sends money to his family. His parents are wonderful, humble people and I love them very much. He doesn’t earn as much as I do, but I don’t think that should stop him from contributing financially to OUR LIVES. He earns a living wage and could buy a few groceries or pay for a dinner here or there, but he doesn’t. I pay for everything – cars, gas, life, groceries, coffee, phones, etc.
We had agreed that after paying off his debts, he would put some money into savings, which would still leave him $1,000 for himself. One thousand dollars is equivalent to half a year’s salary in his country. For the past three months he has made no contributions and when I asked him he said he did not know what he had done with the money. He is obviously lying.
I’m so pissed off that I’m considering divorce. I never told her not to help her family and I was very generous with them as well. But it worries me that he only cares about his family back home and not about the well-being of the family we have built together.
– Money is the problem in Mississippi
Dear money is the problem: Your “wonderful” husband reneged on his promise to put money in the savings account and lied to you about where the money was going. Could he have gone somewhere other than his parents? You have the right to know. Marriage is more than a romantic adventure. It is also a partnership – and a partnership in which your husband does not contribute his agreed share.
You may be able to resolve this issue with the help of a licensed mediator or counselor, but if that doesn’t resolve the issue, talk to a lawyer to protect yourself financially.
Dear Abby: I am a mother of two children and grandmother of three children. I have a few cousins that I socialize with occasionally, but I can’t say I’m particularly close to any of them. I like to spend most of my time with my children, my grandchildren and my husband.
Recently one of my cousins hassled me to have a family reunion. Every time we talk, he brings up the subject, along with other family members we’ve lost contact with. I’ve told him and his wife many times that I’m not interested in hosting a family reunion and, quite frankly, I wouldn’t be interested in attending either.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I have little interest in reuniting with many of my cousins, and I find large family gatherings stressful. I feel like they’re trying to intimidate me into hosting and/or attending something I’ve said many times that I don’t care about. What should I do ?
– Harassed in New Jersey
Dear Nagged: The next time he brings up the subject of your planning a family reunion, laugh. Then tell him the people who should do it are him and his wife, because you’re not interested. Then change the subject.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.